The owners decided to open The Vortex back in 1992 because it sounded like more fun than looking for gainful employment. They created a secret hideout for themselves where they could mingle with other convivial folks instead of going to a boring office job every day. With that being the extent of our founder’s business plan, we have never taken ourselves too seriously. The Vortex is simply a cool, casual hang-out for people to enjoy themselves with friends and family. In fact, our patrons and staff have turned into an extended family over the years, even if a slightly dysfunctional one. It’s quite a fascinating fellowship. At The Vortex, we love our faithful fans and they love us right back. When it comes right down to it, The Vortex is all about the love.
WHAT WE OFFER
The Vortex is a bar and burger joint. We grill up the best damn burgers in Atlanta, offer a huge selection of beer, spirits and specialty cocktails and serve some ridiculously indulgent bar food. All these offerings are brought to you by a staff that is genuine, fun, friendly and knowledgeable. They may even be a little quirky and irreverent at times. If you’re looking for fine dining, health food, vegan or vegetarian dishes, or gluten-free options, The Vortex is probably not the place for you. No hard feelings.
In an attempt to keep the good times rolling, the owners declared The Vortex an “Idiot-Free Zone” very early on, and we have remained committed to this policy ever since. Our goal has always been to foster an atmosphere of fun and mutual respect. The concept is so simple. You be nice, and we’ll be nice. There’s no good reason for people to be rude to one another at The Vortex. We’re just serving burgers and booze. That’s certainly nothing to go mental over. But sometimes people do go mental. The bottom line is that any customer who acts like an entitled jerk will be asked to leave. And the same goes for any improper employee behavior. Common courtesy works both ways. We will not stand for unpleasant behavior from anyone. Ever. So, be nice or be gone.
We have always attempted to be as transparent as possible about our bar. We’re not trying to fool anyone. We have drafted a set of Company Policies to help explain what to expect when visiting The Vortex. If you’ve never been, we suggest you review this information prior to making the trip, so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. For your convenience, you can CLICK HERE to view and/or print the covers of our food menu, which list our basic policies. Additional details can also be found throughout this website so feel free to poke around. We understand that some folks will like what we offer, and others will not. And that’s okay. We have never tried to be all things to all people. We just do what we do, for the people that like what we do.
VORTEX PATRONS ARE THE BEST
The truth is, our loyal fans know how to behave in bars, and in public. That’s why they have always loved our no-nonsense approach to dealing with idiots. They appreciate the fact that on occasion we might need to throw an idiot out of our bar to protect the experience for everyone else. After all, nobody wants an idiot spoiling their fun. Of course, only courteous and considerate people actually worry about behaving themselves. So, if you’re worried, you probably don’t need to be. We always enjoy seeing our customers having fun and being silly, even if they happen to embarrass themselves. Believe us, we’ve seen it all. In fact, we’ve done it all, so we can relate. Getting a little “loose” will usually not get you thrown out of The Vortex. But acting like a rude idiot always will.
THESE ARE THE IDIOTS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
Below are just a few examples of the type of idiots that have a history of prematurely short visits at The Vortex. If you see any similarities to yourself in these descriptions we respectfully request that you take your business elsewhere.
Some people think they are “special” and that our company policies, common courtesy and even the law do not apply to them. Their battle cry is “the customer is always right,” but that’s where they’re wrong. Like any ethical relationship, commercial transactions rely on “consent” from both parties, and must always be voluntary to remain legitimate. The Vortex is a private business located on private property. Therefore, permission to remain on our premises will always be conditional. The Vortex reserves the right to refuse service to anyone we believe is acting like an entitled jerk. We offer two simple options when visiting: be nice, or get out. We assure these entitled idiots that they are NOT special. Even their own mothers probably can’t stand them.
PETTY TYRANTS & TIGHT-ASSES
We are completely upfront about what we do at The Vortex, but no matter how clear we make things certain people continue to believe everything in the world must revolve around them and their own narrow perspective. Being offended is their weapon of choice. With righteous indignation they will tell us all the things we need to change about our business to please them. They will often inform us that “we are going to be reported.” It’s never quite clear who we will be reported to, or what we will be reported for, but petty tyrants love to use threats and coercion to bully others. What they fail to realize is The Vortex was not designed for tight-asses, and we loath petty tyrants. They’ve obviously come to the wrong place. We have no reason to engage, debate or argue with these idiots because we don’t care what they think.
This term generally refers to men with an unfortunate combination of character flaws. An inflated sense of self-worth and questionable intelligence is compounded by a complete lack of social grace and self-awareness. They often behave inappropriately in public, but are completely ignorant of how pathetic they appear to others. Frequently traveling in packs, these potential date-rapists invariably mistake any female attention as sexual attraction, yet they tend to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. Their frail egos and steroid addictions often make them mentally unstable, so don’t bump them or jostle their drink. And for God’s sake, don’t ever make direct eye contact, because it doesn’t take much to set-off a douchebag. These idiots are one of the main reasons we employ security.
MOOCHERS, DEADBEATS & CON ARTISTS (OH MY!)
Our ultimate goal is to provide the best food and service possible but sometimes mistakes happen. We always do whatever it takes to correct the problem, and we really appreciate the understanding of our valued patrons in these instances. Unfortunately some people will use even the slightest error as an excuse to assert that they’re “not going to pay for anything.” And they promise to tell all their friends about their “horrible” experience unless of course we comp their check, buy them dessert and give them a Gift Certificate for their next visit. We do not react well to extortion. The legal term for failing to pay your bill at a restaurant is “theft of services.” This offense may lead to criminal charges, fines and/or jail time, and we will always prosecute. To be clear, these deadbeats are not valued patrons. They are horrible human beings. But chain restaurants seem to love dealing with their particular brand of bullshit, so we suggest these idiots stick to patronizing those places.
These are legal adults who have never learned how to enjoy alcohol responsibly. The more they drink, the bigger knuckle-heads they become. People who turn up at our door drunk will be denied entry. People who exhibit intoxicated behavior on our premises will be cut-off, and may be asked to leave. To clarify, these decisions will always be made at our sole discretion. It is not a debate. We will not give amateurs the opportunity to negatively impact the enjoyment of our valued patrons, and we will never tolerate their drunken or otherwise inappropriate behavior. This includes passing out on the premises, vomiting, shitting or pissing themselves or any other ridiculous display of amateur behavior. While it’s fun to mock these idiots, we often have to clean up after them, and that’s no fun at all. People who insist on drinking until they’re stupid should really limit themselves to Saint Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo and New Year’s Eve. Those are official “Amateur Nights,” so (sadly) they will have lots of company.
Providing excellent food and service is our top priority. Our valued patrons help us achieve this goal by speaking with the manager during their visit, or by sending us an email with their practical concerns and suggestions, if they think we have a weak link. All of the idiots described above have no interest in helping us maintain our quality standards. Instead they prefer to leave ignorant (and usually false) reviews on websites like “I’m-a-shitty-little-whiner-dot-com.” But we don’t care what shitty little whiners think. And neither does anyone else. The popular South Park episode, “You’re Not Yelping,” made it painfully obvious that one-star reviews are the sole domain of pathetic losers. Their reviews represent a treasure trove of idiocy across the internet. We often read them aloud just for the humor they provide. In an industry that can be highly stressful, we find it cathartic to laugh at these idiots. So thanks for the unintended chuckles, one-star reviewers.