The owners decided to open The Vortex back in 1992 because it sounded like more fun than looking for jobs. So, they created a secret hideout for themselves where they could mingle and have a good time, instead of going to work every day. With that being the foundation of our bar, we have never taken ourselves too seriously. The Vortex is just a cool hang-out where people can enjoy themselves with friends and family. Over time, our patrons and staff have all become extended family, even if slightly dysfunctional. It’s a very interesting fellowship. Running this bar is like hosting a never-ending party. We do it because we love our loyal fans. And our loyal fans love us right back. When it comes right down to it, The Vortex is all about the love.
WHAT WE OFFER
The Vortex is a casual bar and burger joint. We grill up the best damn burgers in Atlanta, offer a huge selection of beer, spirits and specialty cocktails and serve some ridiculously indulgent bar food. All these offerings are brought to you by a staff that is genuine, fun, friendly and knowledgeable. They may even be a little bit irreverent at times. In other words, this is the kind of place your momma warned you about. That’s why it’s so much fun. If you’re looking for fine dining, health food, vegetarian dishes or gluten-free options, this may not be the place for you.
In an attempt to keep the good times rolling, the owners declared The Vortex an “Idiot-Free Zone” when they opened, and have remained committed to this policy ever since. Our goal has always been to foster an atmosphere of fun and mutual respect. There is never any reason for people to be rude to one another, particularly in our bar. You be nice, and we’ll be nice. The concept is so simple, you wouldn’t think any further explanation would be necessary. But here it is: Any customer who acts like an entitled jerk will be asked to leave. And the same goes for bad employees. Common courtesy works both ways.
This is where we attempt to explain what you can expect when visiting The Vortex. If you’ve never been, we suggest you review our company policies prior to making the trip, so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. For your convenience, you can CLICK HERE to view and/or print the covers of our food menu, which list our basic company policies. Additional details can also be found throughout this website. We strive to be as transparent as possible. We’re not trying to fool anyone. We understand that some folks will like what we offer, and others will not. And that’s okay. We have never tried to be all things to all people. We just do what we do, for the people that like what we do.
VORTEX PATRONS ARE THE BEST
We love seeing our customers having fun and being silly, even if they embarrass themselves. We’ve seen it all. In fact, we’ve done it all, so we can totally relate. Of course, only courteous and considerate people actually worry about behaving themselves. So, if you’re worried, you probably don’t need to worry. Getting a little “loose” will probably not get you thrown out of The Vortex. But being a jackass always will. The truth is, our loyal fans already know how to behave in bars. They have always loved our no-nonsense approach to dealing with idiots. And they appreciate the fact, that on occasion, we might need to throw an idiot out of our bar to protect the experience for everyone else. After all, nobody wants idiots spoiling the fun for the rest of us.
THESE ARE THE IDIOTS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
Below are just a few examples of the type of idiots that have a history of prematurely short visits at The Vortex. If you see any similarities to yourself in these descriptions, maybe The Vortex isn’t the place for you. And maybe it’s time to start thinking about introspection and self-improvement. For your own good.
The Vortex is a private business and our company policies apply to everyone that enters our premises. But some people think they are “special” and that our House Rules, common courtesy and the law do not apply to them. Their battle cry is “the customer is always right,” but that’s where they’re wrong. Like any legitimate relationship, commercial transactions rely on “consent” from both parties, and must always be purely voluntary. The Vortex reserves the right to refuse service to anyone we believe is acting like an entitled jerk. Further, we can assure these people that they are NOT special, and we will NOT tolerate their abusive and ignorant attitudes. There are two simple options when visiting The Vortex: Be nice, or get out.
PETTY TYRANTS & TIGHT-ASSES
We are completely upfront about what we do at The Vortex, and have always strived to be as transparent as possible. But no matter how clear we make things, certain people continue to believe everything in the world must revolve around them and their own narrow perspective. Being offended is their weapon of choice. With righteous indignation they will tell us all the things we need to change about our business to please them. They will often inform us that “we are going to be reported.” It’s never quite clear who we will be reported to, or what we will be reported for, but petty tyrants love to use threats and coercion to bully business owners. What they fail to realize, is The Vortex was not designed for tight-asses, and we really hate petty tyrants. We have no reason to engage, debate or argue with them, because we do not give a damn what they think about anything.
This term generally refers to men with an unfortunate combination of character flaws. An inflated sense of self-worth and questionable intelligence is compounded by a complete lack of social grace and self-awareness. They behave inappropriately in public, and are completely ignorant to how pathetic they appear to others. Often traveling in packs, these potential date-rapists invariably mistake any female attention as sexual attraction, yet they tend to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. Their frail egos and steroid addiction will often make them mentally unstable, so don’t step on their shoes or jostle their drink. And for God’s sake, don’t ever make direct eye contact, because it doesn’t take much to set these psychopaths off. Douchebags are one of the main reasons that we employ bouncers.
MOOCHERS, DEADBEATS & CON ARTISTS
Our ultimate goal is to provide the best food and service possible, but sometimes a mistake may occur. In these instances, we will always do whatever it takes to correct the problem, and we really appreciate the understanding of our valued patrons. Unfortunately, some people will use even the slightest error as an opportunity to demand free stuff. No matter how small the mistake may have been, they will assert that they’re “not going to pay for anything,” and they promise to all their friends about their “awful” experience, unless of course we comp their check, buy them dessert and give them a Gift Certificate for their next visit. To be clear, deadbeats are not valued patrons, they are horrible people. While we will not appease them, chain restaurants seem to love dealing with their bullshit, so we suggest these losers stick to patronizing those places.
These are legal adults who have never learned how to enjoy alcohol responsibly. The more they drink, the bigger knuckle-heads they become. And once they’re adequately primed, they’ll start to annoy other customers. They usually end up crying, fighting and/or puking somewhere unfortunate. While it’s fun to mock these silly fools, someone has to clean up after them, and that’s no fun at all. People who insist on drinking until they’re stupid should really limit themselves to Saint Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo and New Year’s Eve. Those are official “Amateur Nights,” so (sadly) they will have lots of company.
Providing excellent service is always our top priority. Our valued patrons will help by letting us know if we have a weak link. They do this by speaking with the manager during their visit, or by sending us an email with legitimate concerns and suggestions. All of the horrible customers mentioned above have absolutely no interest in helping us maintain our standards. That’s why their tactic is leave ignorant (and usually false) reviews on websites like “I’m-a-shitty-little-whiner-dot-com.” They actually use this as a threat. Unfortunately for them, we don’t care what shitty little whiners think. And neither does anyone else. With the airing of the South Park episode, “You’re Not Yelping,” it was made crystal clear that one-star reviews are primarily the territory of complete assholes. The one-star reviews available all over the internet make up a vast treasure trove of idiocy. We often read them at meetings just for the (unintentional) humor they provide. Oh how we love to laugh at idiots.