LET US HELP YOU
Don’t ever come in here and start moving the furniture around like you own the place or we’ll slap you like a red-headed stepchild. If your group has any special needs, please let the host, server or manager assist you. Sure, sometimes we may have to decline a request, but that’s only because we know what’s best. Trust us. We’ve been running this bar for a long time. Our staff really is here to help, so just ask. Some of them might look a little scary, but they’re mostly pretty nice. Mostly.
OUTSIDE FOOD & DRINKS
In case you hadn’t noticed, we sell food and drinks here. This is not a picnic ground. If you are foolish enough to sit your butt down and whip out a sack lunch, or bring in an outside beverage, it will be confiscated and dumped in the trash. Give us any lip and you’ll end up there too.
SERVERS ARE NOT SERVANTS
Our goal is to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect and fun. You be nice, and we’ll be nice. Simple. There is never any excuse for people to be rude to one another, especially in our bar. Common courtesy goes a long way. So, before attempting to get your server’s attention, wait until they finish with the customer they’re currently helping. Do not whistle, clap, or bang your bottle on the table like an idiot. Likewise, never reach out and poke a server, pull their apron, or slap their ass. Displaying disrespectful or abusive behavior toward any of our staff will get you thrown out immediately. So just don’t act like a jackass. That’s always the best policy, both when visiting The Vortex, and in your everyday life.
You can be as rude to your friends as you’d like. But if you expect to get any service at The Vortex, then get off the damn cell phone. If you stay on your phone, then be prepared to be ignored. Texting, surfing, tweeting, posting or taking pictures when a server is trying to take your order may also result in bodily injury or death, so just put it down.
Our dress code is very casual. In addition to the requirement of wearing shoes and a shirt, and maintaining good hygiene (not stinking), we also reserve the right to prohibit certain styles of dress that may be disruptive to the operation of our business, or detrimental to the enjoyment of our customers or staff. This may include, but is not limited to, any article of jewelry or clothing that incorporates symbols, slogans or designs that are gang-related; promote violence, racism, or hateful behavior; or are otherwise deemed offensive and inappropriate by us, in our sole discretion.
We’re sorry if you don’t like what we do, or how we do it. Maybe you think our bar is too crowded or too smoky. Maybe you think the music is too loud. Or maybe you find the foul-mouthed strippers sitting at the table next to you offensive. Hey, on occasion The Vortex might get a little rowdy. It’s kind of what we do. If you need to have total control over your environment at all times, then maybe you should just stay home. Nobody likes a whiner.
We always want our patrons to hang-out and enjoy themselves. But if you have finished eating and drinking, have paid your check, and can see that other people are waiting for tables, be considerate and give up your seat so the next group can enjoy the experience. Come on, you’re done. Don’t be the clueless table of campers. Someday, when you’re the one waiting for a table, you will really appreciate this policy. And if you have taken up a table for hours and hours on end, don’t forget to tip your server accordingly.
The Vortex is a private business on private property. Our business is selling food and drinks, and every seat in our establishment must generate revenue so we can stay in business. By making purchases, paying customers are temporarily “renting” their seat. These transactions allow us to pay for a veritable plethora of overhead, including (but not limited to) the cost of licenses and permits, taxes, rent, various utilities, insurance, maintenance and repairs and a very, very large payroll. We simply can’t afford to allow people to use our private property as public space. Apparently, some coffee shops can and do. The city also provides public parks (and libraries) to hang out in, totally for free. But to clarify, The Vortex does NOT offer that option. Our premises are reserved for paying customers only, at all times. You’ll just have to take that business meeting elsewhere, big spender.