WE’RE ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR YOU
It’s just not possible to offer fun new menu options to our customers without making a few sacrifices. Regrettably, this means we may have to discontinue certain items to make room for the new stuff. Of course, it makes people cry when their “favorite Vortex thing” gets discontinued. Fortunately for them, in certain instances, we may be able to add the discontinued items to our Secret Menu if we still carry all the ingredients. See all the stuff we secretly offer below, and keep it on the DL.
This treasure trove of secret menu items that you’ve stumbled onto is not a contract or an advertisement, but a secret list of potential options that may or may NOT always be available. The prices listed are also subject to change without notice. So always talk to your server to clarify everything. They should be able to tell you exactly what can and cannot be ordered at any particular time, and how much it will cost.
These are a few secret variations to the appetizers we offer every day. While they’re good for sharing, you can always order one all for yourself. At The Vortex, we’re not about judgment – unless its bad judgment.
SPUD BOWL – $7.25
A big bowl of french fries or tater tots, served as an appetizer.
CHILI-SPUD BOWL – $9.50
A big bowl of french fries or tater tots topped with (8-ounces) of Spicy Beef Chili or Tasty Turkey Chili and shredded jack & cheddar cheese, served as an appetizer.
FRIED ZUCCHINI BOWL – $10.50
A big bowl of sliced, battered fried zucchini served with a side (4-ounces) of ranch dressing, served as an appetizer.
ONION RING BOWL – $8.95
A big bowl of battered and fried onion rings served with a side of ranch dressing, served as an appetizer.
PLAINTAIN BOWL – $5.50
A big bowl of fried plantains, served as an appetizer.
CHIPS & SALSA – 7.25
A big bowl of freshly fried tortilla chips and a cup of our homemade red salsa.
CHIPS & GUAC – 7.25
A big bowl of freshly fried tortilla chips and a portion cup of guacamole.
CHEESY-CHEESE GOO™ – Variable Price
You can dip anything you want in our Cheesy-Cheese Goo,™ but this is what we recommend:
● Freshly fried tortilla chips and a cup of Goo……7.25
● French fries or tater tots and a cup of Goo……8.25
CHEESY QUESADILLA – $6.95
Shredded jack and cheddar cheese griddled inside a big flour tortilla, served with sour cream and red salsa for dipping. Customize your quesadilla by adding any of the ingredients listed below.
+ Fried Chicken
Add a 6-ounce breaded, deep-fried, sliced chicken breast – $5.00 Up-charge
+ Grilled Chicken
Add a 6-ounce flame-grilled, sliced chicken breast – $5.00 Up-charge
+ Veggie Patty
Add a 6-ounce griddled, sliced black bean veggie burger patty – $5.00 Up-charge
+ BBQ Pulled-Pork
Add a 4-ounce portion of shredded, BBQ pulled-pork – $5.00 Up-charge
+ Chargrilled Sirloin Patty
Add an 8-ounce flame-grilled, sliced ground sirloin patty – $5.00 Up-charge
+ Griddled Sirloin Patties
Add two 4-ounce flat-top griddled, sliced ground sirloin patties – $5.00 Up-charge
+ Griddled Impossible™ Burger
Add one griddled, sliced Impossible™ Burger patty – $9.00 Up-charge
*NOTE: While the Impossible Burger patty is technically vegan, please be aware that The Vortex does not employ vegan cooking practices.
Unless noted otherwise, even our secret “off menu” sandwiches come with a side dish, so PICK ONE when you order your sandwich. They’re all listed on the regular “not secret” menu. Or you can ask your server – if reading is not your strong suit.
BROOKLYN EGGHEAD – $8.95
Two fried eggs topped with American cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and sweet red onion, served on grilled Texas toast. We recommend topping it with copious amounts of mayo to create the perfect breakfast sandwich.
BACON, LETTUCE & TOMATO (BLT) – $8.95
Made with your choice of toasted bread, topped with bacon, mixed greens, sliced tomato and mayonnaise.
HAMMY SAMMY – $7.95
Sliced ham (grilled upon request), served on your choice of bread (toasted upon request), and your choice of cheese, topped with lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise.
MOM’S GRILLED CHEESE – $7.95
A regular sized grilled cheese sandwich made with your choice of cheese and bread, griddled on the flattop until it’s toasty and melty.
CAP’N LARRY’S PORK’N PIRATE – $10.25
Barbecue pulled pork, served between 2 griddled slices of Texas toast and topped with jack cheese.
THE BASIC BURGERS
Basic Burgers are the ones everyone has heard of and eaten at some point in their lives. At The Vortex, these burgers always come topped with Lettuce, Tomato, Onion and dill Pickle slices.
CHILI CHEESEBURGER – $10.50
The most elaborate of the Basic Burgers, this 8-ounce flame-grilled ground sirloin patty is also topped with Spicy Beef Chili or Tasty Turkey Chili and shredded jack & cheddar cheese, served on a toasted burger bun.
They can’t ALL stay on the regular menu forever, so some of them have landed here. Unless noted otherwise, our secret “off menu” signature burgers come with a side dish, so PICK ONE when you order your burger. Just ask your server if you’re confused.
Burgers listed with “(L.T.O.P)” will also be topped with Lettuce, Tomato, Onion and dill Pickle slices in addition to any toppings listed in the description.
RAGIN’ CAJUN BURGER – $10.50
Topped with our zesty Cajun sauce and pepper jack cheese. Show your titties when it comes to the table, and you’ll feel just like you’re in N’awlins. (L.T.O.P.)
BIG BLUE BUFFALO BURGER – $10.50
A flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patty drenched in our original wing sauce and topped with a big glob of our thick blue cheese spread, served on a toasted burger bun. (L.T.O.P.)
MEXICALI BURGER – $10.50
A flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patty topped with pepper jack cheese and red salsa, served on a toasted burger bun. (L.T.O.P.)
BEEFY PATTY MELT – $10.50
A flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patty topped with Swiss cheese and grilled onions served on griddled rye bread.
REVERSE COWGIRL – $10.50
Topped with grilled ham, jack cheese, and spicy honey BBQ sauce. (L.T.O.P.)
There’s no need to specify a cooking temperature on any of our Old-School Burgers because we flatten the patties out on the griddle and cook ‘em until they’re done.
DOUBLE DECKER MELT – $10.95
Two 4-ounce griddled sirloin patties served between three slices of griddle-toasted white bread, topped with white American cheese, bacon, tomato, pickle and our secret homemade burger sauce.
FUNNEL OF LOVE BURGER – $11.95
Two 4-ounce griddled sirloin patties topped with donut glaze, raspberry jam, funnel cake fries and 3 slices of bacon, served on a toasted burger bun.
MORE BIG STUPID STUFF
The items listed here are also too ginormous and absurd to make them all the time. If we offered these things during our peak business periods, our cooks would either die or quit. We can’t have that, can we? That’s why we only offer the following items Monday through Friday, from 2:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m.
THE CARNIVORGASM™ – $25.50
A flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patty topped with BBQ pulled pork, a fried chicken breast, a 4-ounce griddled burger patty, grilled ham, three strips of bacon, cheddar cheese, whiskey pimento cheese and BBQ sauce, served on a toasted burger bun. So much meat!
DOUBLE ELVIS BURGER – $15.50
We use two peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwiches (topped with bacon) as the top and bottom buns for this burger. Inside is a flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patty topped with a king sized helpin’ of smooth peanut butter, bacon and fried bananas, all served on a toasted burger bun. It’s a heap-a-heap-a burnin’ love.
HANGOVER HELPER™ – $21.95
Two flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patties served open-faced on Texas toast, topped with grilled ham, two fried eggs, American cheese and bacon, all nestled between a big serving of tots and fries, and then we cover the whole damn thing with our white sausage gravy. This will cure what’s troubling you.
CHEESY-CHEESE BURGER – $17.95
Three griddled 4-ounce ground sirloin patties topped with American, pepper jack, cheddar and whiskey pimento cheese, bacon, onion rings and a big ladle-full of our Cheesy-Cheese Goo,™ served on a toasted burger bun.
SECOND BREAKFAST BURGER – $21.95
Two flame-grilled 8-ounce ground sirloin patties topped with grilled ham, 6 strips of bacon, 2 fried eggs, 4 slices of cheddar cheese, tots and a big ladle-full of white (pork) sausage gravy, served on a toasted burger bun.
MENU HACKS & ORDERING SECRETS
After you’ve eaten everything on our menu over a million times (like we have) you tend to get a little “creative.” Below you’ll find some of our staff’s favorite menu hacks and ordering secrets, designed to mix things up.
Side of Dixie Wrecked ‘Taters™ with a sandwich or burger plate
We can turn your side item portion of French fries or tater tots into Dixie Wrecked ‘Taters by adding white sausage gravy, shredded cheddar cheese and crumbled bacon – $2.50 Up-charge
Side of Chili Cheese ‘Taters with a sandwich or burger plate
We can turn your side item portion of French fries or tater tots into Spicy Beef Chili or Tasty Turkey Chili and shredded jack & cheddar cheese, – $2.25 Up-charge
Onion Ring Toppers
We can top any burger or sandwich with three (3) big deep fried onion rings – $1.25 Up-charge
Stick It In a Wrap
We can build any of our sandwiches inside a 12” flour tortilla, instead of using bread – $1.25 Up-charge
Make My Burger “Griddled”
We can replace the 8-ounce flame-grilled sirloin patty on any of our Signature Burgers burger with two 4-ounce griddled sirloin patties. Griddled patties are cooked well (no pink), so there is no need for you to choose a cooking temperature in these instances. This is a great option for people who prefer their burgers well-done. – $1.25 Up-charge
We keep a shaker of our (super-special secret recipe) Vortex seasoning salt in our kitchen. We like to sprinkle it on our French Fries. You can too, if you ask real nice – Free upon request (when available)
Hawaiian Quesadilla – $14.90
Start with a Cheesy Quesadilla ($6.95), add a veggie burger ($5.00), add pineapple salsa (95¢), and add grilled ham ($2.00).
Dessert Plaintains – $3.25
We top a cup of our fried plantains with cinnamon sugar and donut glaze.