THE VORTEX GUARANTEE
When dining at The Vortex, if you are not greeted within 2 minutes, then you’ll be greeted within 3 or 4. We do our best to be prompt, but service times will vary with business volume, so just pull that big stick out of your butt. Try to relax, have fun and enjoy the experience. It’ll be good for you.
LET US HELP
Don’t ever come in here and start moving the furniture around like you own the place, or we’ll slap you like a red-headed stepchild. If your group has any special needs, please let the host, server or manager assist you. Sure, sometimes we may have to decline a request, but that’s only because we know what’s best. Trust us. We’ve been running this bar for a long time. Our staff really is here to help, so just ask. Some of them might look a little scary, but they’re mostly pretty nice. Mostly.
READ OUR MENUS
We try to ensure our food and drink descriptions are as accurate as possible, and that all company policies are clearly explained on our menus. So read them carefully. If you have any questions, just ask your server. It’s all pretty simple. Please don’t make us mock you.
SERVERS ARE PEOPLE TOO
There is never any excuse for people to be rude to one another, especially in our bar. Common courtesy goes a long way here. So, before attempting to get your server’s attention, just wait until they finish with the customer they’re currently helping. Do not whistle, clap, or bang your bottle on the table like an idiot. Likewise, never reach out and poke a server, pull their apron, or slap their ass. Displaying disrespectful or abusive behavior toward any member of our staff will get you thrown out immediately. So please don’t act like a jackass. That’s just good advice, when at The Vortex, and everywhere else on the planet.
We care about your safety. If you have food sensitivities or allergies serious enough to cause sickness or death, we suggest that you do NOT eat here. The Vortex can not, does not, and will not guarantee the absence of any specific allergen from any of our menu items. The potential may also exist for cross-contamination with ingredients to which you may be allergic. This policy is designed to help ensure your health and well-being, so if you choose to ignore it, please be advised you do so at your own risk. It’s better to be safe than sorry – or dead!
FRESH FOOD & SERVICE TIMES
All our menu items are fresh, and cooked to order. We strive to have food to your table within 20 minutes, but if we are very busy your order may take a little longer. Any “well-done” burgers will also increase the wait time. You see, a half-pound of fresh, raw sirloin actually has to cook. Nothing at The Vortex ever sits under a heat lamp or goes in a microwave. This ain’t fast food, it’s good food.
SPECIAL ORDERS & EXTRAS
Our ultimate goal is to give our customers exactly what they want. So if you want a bunch of “extra” stuff, or you want to make crazy alterations to an existing menu item, or if you want to order something that’s not even on the damn menu, we’ll do our best to help you out. And we’ll also charge you whatever the hell we want. So, if you have concerns about the cost of your “special request,” please ask your server about it BEFORE placing the order. Once the food is in your belly, it’s a little late for that conversation and we don’t want any crying when the bill comes. If you think we should give extras away, we’ll let you know when that magical delivery truck of free stuff shows up. We’ve still never seen it.
You can be as rude to your friends as you’d like. But to receive table service, you need to get off your cell phone. If you don’t, then be prepared to be ignored. Texting, surfing, tweeting, taking pictures or posting when a server is trying to take your order may also result in bodily injury or death, so just put the phone down for a minute. Jeez.
The Vortex was not designed to accommodate large parties, particularly when we’re busy. Of course we do our best to serve everyone, but if you decide to show up with your 10 best friends at eight o’clock on a Friday night, don’t whine when we tell you it’s going to be a very long wait for a table. There are plenty of places that offer reservations and special rooms for large groups. We suggest using those venues would probably result in a better experience for everyone. Especially us.
● PRIVATE EVENT BUY-OUTS
While we don’t take reservations, we do offer the option of a “Private Event Buy-Out” if you’ve got significant resources. CLICK HERE for all the details, money-bags.
We do our best to avoid mistakes, but they may still happen from time to time. After all, nobody’s perfect. So, if our kitchen or service staff ever goofs something up, just let us know as soon as possible. We’ll do everything we can to make things right. Just don’t wolf it all down before you let us know there’s a problem. We really appreciate the patience and understanding of our good customers in these situations.
Providing excellent service is our top priority, and we rely on our loyal fans to let us know if we have a weak link. So, if you’re ever unhappy with your service, please notify the manager immediately. We do everything we can to assure guest satisfaction, but we can’t solve a problem we don’t know about.
● UNHELPFUL CUSTOMER BEHAVIOR
If you experience an issue with service, “stiffing” your server and slithering away without letting us know there was a problem is not helpful. And neither is leaving a passive-aggressive note on your charge slip instead of a tip. But the most pointless move by far is posting a stupid review on “I’m-a-shitty-little-whiner-dot-com,” because nobody cares what shitty little whiners think. Seriously. Nobody. So please refrain from engaging in any of this behavior, because none of it is helpful or productive.